My Husband And I Paid Our Student Debt Together: Here’s How

In May 2019, my husband Mike and I stood across from each other in our kitchen waiting for the other to speak. Finally, I broke the silence.

“Is that everything, then?” I asked.

Mike hung his head and quietly replied, “Yes.”

“Oh … OK!” I said, unfazed, like I had just heard the weather forecast.

Mike’s head shot up. “You’re handling this better than I thought you would,” he admitted, confused.

“I mean, it’s a lot. But, it’s totally doable,” I said. “We got this.”

Four years into our marriage, my husband and I had just divulged the amount of individual debt we carried — most of it from our student loans. And four years later, with careful strategizing and a little luck, we paid off the last of our debt together.

The numbers

Should partners pay each other’s student loan debt?

When we talked about finances before getting married, Mike and I agreed that we would individually pay off the debt we accumulated before the wedding. So, when I first approached Mike about joining forces and finances, he wasn’t so sure. 

“It was less about working together to pay off our debts, and more about my apprehension to give up control of my money,” he says now. “Since I was in control of my money for all of my life, to give that up and just trust that everything would be handled properly was tough for me to do at first.”

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you afford to help them financially?
• Is your partner good with money, or will they fall into other debt once the loans are paid off?
• Is there a possibility you or your partner will carry resentment?
• Is your marriage healthy?
• Are either of you eligible for any type of student loan forgiveness?
• Are you still able to afford other needs, like basic costs of living or braces for the kids?

Consider these questions along with the pros and cons before deciding whether to tackle your debts as a team.

Benefits of paying off student loans with your partner

According to Megan McCoy, Certified Financial Therapist, student loan debt can cause couples to delay milestones like getting married, having children and buying a home. By saving money, strengthening your bond and reducing stress, paying off your loans together could help you reach milestones faster and feel more prepared to take them on.

Pay your loans off faster and save

When my grace period ended in October 2009, I owed $17,974 in student loans. It took me just over nine-and-a-half years to pay off $9,971 of that balance. With my spouse’s support, it took 11 months to pay off the remaining balance of $8,000. On April 23, 2020, I made my final student loan payment, paying off my student loans four years early.

When Mike’s student loan grace period ended in August 2019, he owed $13,875. On September 1, 2023, after paying off my student loans and a small credit card debt, Mike made his final payment — six years early. And with that, we were debt-free, excluding our mortgage.

Together, it took us just five years to pay off our student loan debt, shaving off 10 years of interest payments and saving us $6,061 dollars.

* The interest rate used for Mike was average among all his loans. The interest rate used for Lauren was the capped rate for Direct Consolidation loans under a graduated repayment plan in 2009, since the exact interest rate was unavailable. The total interest saved was calculated using Bankrate’s student loan calculator.

Work as a team to build financial habits

Paying off your student loans together is one of the first of many opportunities to work as a unit in a partnership. And by working as a team, you can both get the emotional and financial support you need to trudge through debt. You feel less alone as you face the highs and lows and learn financial habits together. More importantly, you each have someone holding you accountable.

Reduce stress and increase happiness

The weight of student loan debt can cause a borrower financial stress. Adding another person into the mix can increase those feelings and introduce other negative thoughts. 

McCoy notes that partners may have concerns about shifting power dynamics or feeling dependent when requesting help with finances. She also notes feelings of shame and guilt. 

“I was worried that you would look at [my debt] and be shocked and have a different view of who I was,” admits Mike when asked how he felt about sharing his debt. 

Those feelings may be one reason why 23 percent of U.S. adults in a committed relationship have kept or are currently keeping debt secret from their partners, according to Bankrate’s Financial Infidelity Survey.

McCoy had six-figure student loan debt when she married her husband, who had only a small amount to pay back. “It felt like a personal failure,” she admits. “I felt like I was a burden on my husband.”

Sharing your debt with your partner can take away those feelings of shame and help carry the weight, making it lighter. 

 “I was relieved when you said it was doable, because I knew that you would get it done and trusted your words,” Mike says.

And when you’re able to pay off the debt — much faster with help — the weight is finally lifted.

What to consider before paying off student debt together

Recognizing what could go wrong is the right thing to do when making a decision that can affect your finances, your relationship and your future. Considering these drawbacks ensures you’ve thought this through.

“I think that the worst thing someone can do is say, ‘Absolutely, this is a great idea,’ [without giving it] enough thought, and then get resentful down the road,” McCoy adds.

Financial sacrifice

Money that you’re putting toward your partner’s student loan debt is money you can’t put elsewhere, including toward emergency or retirement savings. By focusing on paying off this debt, you may miss opportunities to save money, enjoy the benefits of compound interest or meet other goals, like buying a home or traveling. Additionally, if you have children or other financial obligations, you’ll need to make sure those needs are still met.

Make a list of other wants and needs and build a budget that includes it all. Talk openly about what you’re willing to sacrifice and not, then prioritize and plan how to contribute a portion of your income to each non-negotiable.

Resentment

The opportunity cost of helping your partner financially is just one reason you could become resentful. Resentment from both sides is one of the biggest risks of helping each other pay off debt, especially if the decision to take out the loans was made by one person.

The one helping pay off the debt may get angry if the debtor spends money on other things. And the debtor may feel like their partner is hanging the assistance over their head, using it against them.

Be transparent with your partner about how this could affect your relationship. Make sure you’re both comfortable moving forward and schedule check-ins to gauge each other’s feelings throughout the process. Determine beforehand when to take a break from helping each other or seek the help of a finance professional if these feelings do arise.

Legal complications

Paying off each other’s debt can make divorce more complicated. If spouses put money into paying off the other’s student loans and divorce later on, they may feel like they wasted money or are owed something. They may seek money they feel entitled to by requesting certain assets when it comes to dividing up possessions. The amount of money contributed to the debt payoff could also be used when determining spousal support.

If this worries you, it may make sense to speak to a family law attorney in your state, who can answer questions and even draw up a contract, if necessary.

6 tips for tackling student loan debt together

Paying off student loan debt together isn’t always easy. Communication, planning and grace are the keys to success. It’s also okay to get a little extra help. 

1. Consider repayment options

Take a look at your student loan repayment plans to make sure you’re each on the one that best fits your goals. Will an income-driven repayment plan offer more flexibility than the standard or graduated plan? Is a loan consolidation needed to help get your federal loans current or help you qualify for income-driven repayment plans or loan forgiveness? Will refinancing your private loans allow you to get a lower interest rate and simplify your payments?

2. Choose a debt payoff strategy

Figure out which student loans you’ll tackle first using a debt payoff plan. The most popular are the debt snowball and debt avalanche. With the debt snowball, you put all of your extra money toward paying off the smallest debt first, then put the money you free up toward the next smallest debt, and so on. With the debt avalanche, you attack the debt with the highest interest rate first, then the next and so on.

While McCoy recommends the debt avalanche as a sound financial decision that saves you money on interest, she points out that the snowball method can be a good option for those who need the bursts of happiness or sense of control. Mike and I chose the debt snowball because we needed those quick wins to feel like we were making real progress. My student loan payment was paid first, then a final credit card, followed by Mike’s student loans.

3. Celebrate small milestones

“In hindsight, one thing I wish [my husband and I] had done was celebrating milestones,” says McCoy. “We didn’t celebrate the student loans being paid off until we were fully done. It would’ve been cool to mark $5,000 with a date night, like ‘We did this as a team. We are awesome together.’” 

The full payoff is special, but so are the small moments that get you there. So celebrate each other and the wins you have when you can. Throw confetti each time you pay off a loan, high-five when you make a big payment or acknowledge when you make each other proud.

4. Use financial windfalls

Mike and I were lucky enough to receive a few financial windfalls throughout our repayment. In 2019, I changed jobs and received a check for my accrued time off as well as one extra week of work. Since I was already working at my new job and didn’t miss a pay day between the two, I was able to put that extra money — about $3,000 — toward my loans. 

Additionally, our debt repayment coincided with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent stimulus checks. We used the first check to make my final student loan payment. The other two went toward Mike’s student loans. 

While you likely won’t be getting a stimulus check anytime soon, you could receive a sizable tax refund, bonus, inheritance or raise. Before you spend any unexpected money that comes your way, consider putting it towards your debt.

5. Talk to a financial professional

McCoy recommends talking to a financial planner or counselor, who may be able to help guide you or even tell you that you’re doing everything right. They may point out forgiveness programs or debt repayment programs that you didn’t know about. Borrowers may find free financial counseling through employee assistance programs, insurance providers or pro bono counselors.

6. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst

When the Department of Education put an administrative pause on federal student loan payments during the Covid-19 pandemic, we continued making payments at 0 percent interest. When Biden became president and his campaign promise of student loan forgiveness seemed possible, we paused our payments. However, we saved the money we would have paid. We figured that in the best case, student loans would be forgiven, and we’d have a ton of money saved to use elsewhere. Worst case, student loans would not be forgiven, but we’d have a chunk of cash saved up to apply to repayment. 

By the time it was clear to us that forgiveness was highly unlikely, we had saved enough to pay off Mike’s loans. After saving our payments during the pause, we made one lump sum payment of $11,533.

Student loan news is moving fast during the Trump presidency and uncertainty surrounds the future of IDR forgiveness and public service loan forgiveness eligibility. While you may be eligible for loan forgiveness, it’s important to plan for the worst-case scenario in which you don’t get it. Stay the course by making eligible payments, but figure out now what you’ll do if you or your partner no longer qualify in the future.

Other ways to support a partner with student loans

If money’s tight in your relationship or you worry about resentment festering, there are other ways to support a partner as they pay their student loan debt:

• Research student loan repayment plans or different strategies for paying off debt.
• Provide emotional support, including words of encouragement.
• Offer to help with other responsibilities, so they can work more hours or pick up a side hustle.
• Help your partner set up a strategy and stick to it.
• Cut back on spending to provide some breathing room, helping your spouse feel less pressure and potentially offer some extra money to put toward the debt.

According to McCoy, this non-financial support will be more beneficial to some couples than making direct payments. 

Bottom line

Partners working together to pay off their federal and private student loans can speed up repayment, saving you thousands of dollars and helping you work together to build healthy financial habits in the process. However, it can lead to resentment in the relationship and complicate divorce in the future. It’s important to be transparent with your finances and weigh the pros and cons before agreeing to join forces to pay off student loans. Remember, too, that there are non-financial ways to support each other in repayment as well. 

Whether offering emotional or financial support, partners can work together to tackle their debt while building financial habits and changing their outlook on money together.

“I always thought debt was something everyone had and that was just how adulting worked,“ Mike tells me. ”It wasn’t until I met you that I realized that was definitely not the case.”

And it wasn’t until I met him that I was motivated to build a debt-free future for myself and my family.