Your aging mother names your brother as her power of attorney, giving him authority to manage her finances if she needs help. At first, the arrangement seems practical because he lives nearby and handles most of her appointments. But months later, you discover he’s making decisions about her bank accounts, paying himself for caregiving, and refusing to explain where the money is going.
Situations like this can create serious tension between siblings, especially when a parent’s retirement savings, home, or long-term care expenses are involved. However, being named power of attorney doesn’t give someone unlimited control over another person’s finances.
Understand What Power of Attorney Actually Allows
A financial power of attorney is a legal document allowing one person, called the agent, to act on behalf of another person, known as the principal. According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), agents generally have a fiduciary responsibility to act in the principal’s best interests and manage their money carefully. Depending on the document, an agent may be authorized to pay bills, manage investments, handle banking transactions, or make certain property-related decisions.
However, the authority granted depends on the document and applicable state law, and an agent cannot automatically use the parent’s money for personal benefit. Before questioning a sibling’s actions, determine what authority the parent actually granted and whether the disputed decisions fall within those powers.
Remember That Other Siblings Don’t Automatically Have Equal Authority
One of the biggest misconceptions about power of attorney rights for siblings is that every adult child should have an equal say in financial decisions. In reality, a parent who has the necessary legal capacity can generally choose one child, several children, or someone outside the family to serve as an agent.
The other siblings don’t automatically receive access to bank accounts, financial statements, or decision-making authority simply because they’re related to the parent. That doesn’t mean they have no options, but their rights to information or court intervention depend on state law and the circumstances. If your parent remains capable of making decisions, speaking directly with them about the arrangement may be more productive than demanding information from the appointed sibling.
Ask for Transparency Without Assuming Financial Abuse
When one sibling controls a parent’s finances, the others may understandably want reassurance that bills are being paid and savings are being protected. Agents should maintain accurate records, keep the parent’s money separate from their own, and act in the parent’s interests. However, an agent’s obligation to maintain records doesn’t necessarily mean every sibling has an automatic right to inspect them. If your parent agrees, consider requesting periodic financial summaries showing major expenses, caregiving costs, and changes to significant assets. A cooperative approach can reduce suspicion while respecting the parent’s privacy and the appointed agent’s legal responsibilities.
Watch for Warning Signs of Financial Exploitation
Not every disagreement about money indicates wrongdoing, but certain behaviors deserve closer attention. The Department of Justice identifies misuse of bank accounts, unauthorized transfers, and improper changes to property ownership as potential examples of power of attorney abuse.
Warning signs might include unexplained withdrawals, unpaid nursing home bills despite sufficient savings, sudden changes in property ownership, or a sibling refusing to allow reasonable contact with the parent. For example, discovering that $40,000 disappeared from your mother’s retirement account shortly after your brother assumed financial control would justify asking questions and seeking professional guidance.
Find Out Whether Your Parent Can Change the Arrangement
A parent who grants power of attorney doesn’t automatically surrender the right to manage their own finances. The CFPB explains that someone who retains decision-making capacity can generally continue managing their money and change their appointed representative. If your parent is unhappy with the arrangement, they may be able to revoke the existing power of attorney and appoint someone else.
However, revocation must comply with applicable state requirements, and capacity concerns can complicate the process. An elder law attorney can help determine whether your parent can legally make changes and ensure banks or other institutions receive appropriate notice.
Consider Legal Action When Serious Concerns Remain
If you suspect that a sibling is misusing power of attorney, you may have options beyond requesting information informally. Courts may be able to require financial accountings, address unauthorized transactions, or appoint a guardian when appropriate.
For example, North Carolina law provides procedures for certain interested individuals to seek judicial review of an agent’s conduct. Depending on the state, adult children may have standing to petition a court, although that doesn’t guarantee access to every record or a favorable ruling. Because litigation can become expensive and emotionally damaging, consult an attorney about the evidence, potential costs, and available alternatives before filing a case.
Report Suspected Elder Financial Abuse
When there are credible signs of exploitation, protecting your parent’s finances should take priority over avoiding family conflict. You should always contact Adult Protective Services when an older adult may be experiencing financial abuse, neglect, or exploitation. You can also notify the parent’s financial institution about suspicious transactions and contact law enforcement when theft, fraud, or another crime may have occurred.
Document concerning transactions, dates, conversations, and other evidence without attempting to access accounts or private records illegally. If your parent faces immediate danger, call 911 rather than waiting for a family meeting or legal consultation.
What Happens to the Power of Attorney When Your Parent Dies?
Another important part of understanding power of attorney rights for siblings involves knowing when the agent’s authority ends. A financial power of attorney generally terminates when the person who granted it dies, even if the document was described as durable. The sibling who served as agent doesn’t automatically become executor, inherit the parent’s assets, or gain authority to distribute estate property. Those responsibilities depend on the will, beneficiary designations, property ownership arrangements, and applicable probate laws.
If a sibling continues withdrawing money under a deceased parent’s power of attorney, surviving family members should seek legal guidance promptly to determine whether those transactions were authorized.
Protecting Your Parent Matters More Than Winning a Family Dispute
Disagreements over financial authority can damage relationships, particularly when substantial retirement savings or long-term care expenses are involved. However, the purpose of a power of attorney is to protect the person who granted it, not to give one child an advantage over the others.
Whenever possible, encourage open communication, careful recordkeeping, and independent professional guidance before disagreements escalate. The ultimate goal should be ensuring your parent’s money supports their needs, reflects their wishes, and remains protected from misuse.
Has your family ever disagreed over which sibling should manage an aging parent’s finances? Do you think parents should require regular financial updates when naming one child as power of attorney? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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Drew Blankenship is a seasoned personal finance and lifestyle writer with more than a decade of professional writing experience crafting clear, actionable advice that helps savers and investors over 40 protect their wealth and make smarter everyday decisions. His bylines appear regularly on SavingAdvice.com, CleverDude.com, and other respected outlets, where he draws on deep industry knowledge to deliver practical insights on cost control, smart spending, and long-term financial security.
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